INGLEWOOD, CA—Coughing wildly and attempting to catch his breath while the other halftime performers pointed and laughed at him, a paranoid Snoop Dogg reportedly hid backstage Sunday at Super Bowl LVI after taking a single puff of a joint. “I’m fine, I’m fine, I promise, but actually…does anyone else feel kinda weird, because my heart is beating really, really fast,” said the 50-year-old rapper, TV personality, and entrepreneur, who, after sitting silently by himself in a corner and staring at his hands, got up, chugged a glass of water, and tearfully asked Mary J. Blige, Eminem, and Kendrick Lamar if people liked him. “Okay, Snoop, get it together. There’s just 117 million people out there watching. Maybe no one at the Super Bowl will even be able to tell I’m high! Oh shit—you don’t think that stuff was laced with something, do you? Also, I took some Advil before this. Could those things somehow combine and kill me? Oh fuck. Oh fuck!” At halftime, witness confirmed Snoop Dogg could barely perform and spent the entire show giggling, hiding behind his backup dancers, and nervously staring at the cops who were surrounding the stage.