After analyzing over 1,000 attempted book bans filed in 37 states, a new study found that the majority were initiated by an extremely small and extremely vocal group of individuals. The Onion asked these individuals why they work so hard to ban books, and this is what they said.
“If my son reads a book with a Black character, he might become Black.”
“I had just moved to a new county without many friends, and joining book bans seemed like a great way to meet people.”
“Once you start censoring a child’s education it’s hard to stop. The power is quite intoxicating.”
“The Supreme Court showed us that any group can force its will on the nation, no matter how small.”
“It was this or a pyramid scheme.”
“One loud, ignorant, and uncivilized person is more powerful than 10 normal people.”
“I think I speak for all Americans when I say that my opinion is just more important.”
“Smaller groups have done worse. Look at Aerosmith.”
“Anne Frank cyberbullied my son.”
“Quite simply, there’s really not a whole lot of misguided parents out there who are willing to put forth the effort.”
“I want to model for my kids that no matter the odds, you can always make the world a worse place.”
“I’m 15 years overdue on the Golden Compass, so I’m hoping if I get it banned at my library, I won’t have to pay the fees.”
“The first time a child encounters a gay person or person of color, it should be a surprise.”
“A book killed my husband.”
“You have no idea what a school board will agree to in order to no longer hear my voice.”
“Nothing can defeat the love we have for our kids and the hate we have for yours.”
“This is America. Vocal minority rules.”