Republicans Explain Why Trump Is Innocent

”Eyewitnesses, verified text messages, recorded phone calls, physical evidence, his own confessions caught on tape—It’s just not enough to go on.”

“I mean, personally I stopped trying to employ any type of logic to explain my pro-Trump position a long time ago.”

“President Dad IMPOTENT!!!”

“Hey, there are two sides to every story, and women are liars. That’s what this is about, right?”

“This is all just a deep-state Democratic plot to distract me while I’m driving so I commit crimes like manslaughter and leaving the scene of an accident!”

“Have we truly grown so cynical that a man’s word isn’t enough?”

“Donald Trump came to me in a dream and told me that not only is he innocent, but that I am his one true successor.”

“He doesn’t have the ridges that characterize the skull shape of a criminal.”

“He’s covered under the same constitutional right that says a beautiful lady cannot get a traffic ticket.”

“Commiting a crime or two doesn’t mean you’re not innocent.”

“I’m not sure you can be found guilty for trying to subvert democracy when we don’t live in a democracy? That’s like getting arrested for vehicular manslaughter after hitting a mannequin.”

“Would a guilty man sweat so profusely? I don’t think so.”

“Allow me to explain my position using a witch hunt metaphor.”

“The Founding Fathers in their infinite wisdom wrote in the constitution that Trump wasn’t guilty.”

“I hope they toss him in jail and throw away the key. And then I find the key and let him out and he’s so, so grateful that he let’s me use his golden shitter.”

“After seeing that he makes surprise pop-ins at Mar-A-Lago events, I paid huge money to host my birthday party there. That way, my crush, who is a huge fan of him, would definitely come. If he goes to jail and doesn’t show up, I’m never going to get a smooch.”

“Surprisingly, he came into my confessional and I absolved him of his sins. Thus he is innocent in the eyes of the Lord.”

“I did his roof. Didn’t see anything guilty happening through the hole.”

“If President Trump guilty of anything, it’s of being a damn good golfer who committed treason.”

“I am less interested in why Trump is innocent, and more why Trump is at all.”

“Pops, you mean? My ol’ pops? Guilty? Aw, go on now. Shucks. He ain’t done nothing.”

“Trust me. He’s innocent.”

“Title 18 § 371 of the U.S. Criminal Code is obviously a slut who’s just lying for attention.”

“I screened him for guilt and it came up negative. Just a regular skeleton with a couple extra pelvises.”

Americans Explain Whether Joe Biden Should Pardon His Son

Things To Never Say To A Fan Of Ben Shapiro

RFK Jr.’s Most Outrageous Remarks

Homepage