Republicans Explain Why Ron DeSantis Should Run For President

“Imagine how much he could scapegoat trans youth on a national stage!”

“His skin color aligns with my values.”

“He has assured me that he thinks my wife is beautiful, not that he’d bring it up for any reason.”

“If I don’t support DeSantis, then I’ve canceled him. And I’m against cancel culture.”

“His is the body my soul shall inhabit once I molt from this here mortal shell anon.”

“I’d prefer someone of pure white blood, but I guess an Italian will do.”

“His Covid-19 response showed that he would be capable of killing even more people on a federal level.”

“It’ll be fun to watch Trump call him a pudgy boy and ask him where his lollipop is.”

“Isn’t it everyone’s dream to live in one giant version of Florida?”

“He’s not afraid to say what we racists and homophobes are also not afraid to say.”

“If he gets promoted to president, everyone in Florida moves up one rank.”

“He’s got that nice, tight skin.”

“You saw what he did to the mighty Charlie Crist.”

“It’s high time that all unwanted incest pregnancies are carried to term nationwide.”

“We should stop being embarrassed about Guantánamo Bay and start celebrating by electing to higher office the people who made it all possible.”

“This would be the first president whose middle name is Dion.”

“If DeSantis plunges America into chaos, I might be able to escape the hellish prison that is the Central Florida Zoo and Botanical Gardens.”

“I always vote for the asshole that currently has the most momentum.”​