NEW YORK—Appearing to regret that Beatlemania didn’t die when John Lennon did, the reanimated corpse of the murdered musician told reporters Friday he wished he could go out in public without fans pointing and screaming at him. “It would be nice if I could enjoy a meal in a restaurant, but the moment my wasting form lumbers through the door, people become completely hysterical,” said Lennon’s remains, declining to comment on music industry rumors that the undead Beatles would tour once surviving members Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr had died and the reawakened cadavers of the Fab Four could reunite as an ungodly abomination neither living nor dead. “I can’t even go for a walk down Central Park West because the second my decomposing head falls off my shoulders, people yell, ‘Oh my God, look, it’s John Lennon—but he’s a zombie now, and he’s come back from the dead to kill us all!’ Then, of course, there are the teenage girls who faint the moment they lay eyes on my rotting flesh.” After remarking that he was probably more popular than the resurrected Jesus, Lennon’s reanimated corpse was reportedly decapitated by a crazed fan and permanently vanquished to the beyond.