PHOENIX—Touting the product as an easy and effective way to train animal companions, PetSmart unveiled a new waterboarding kit Wednesday for teaching cats to stay off counters. “They say you can’t train a cat, but we at PetSmart guarantee this is one behavioral conditioning method your little kitty will never forget,” said CEO J.K. Symancyk, who assured customers that the product was perfectly safe to use on all beloved animal friends given that the damage it inflicted was merely psychological. “If there’s one thing cats hate, it’s a little bit of water. You’ll be surprised by how quickly your cat builds an association between jumping onto counters and simulated drowning. It also comes with free zip ties to ensure your precious pet never jumps on the kitchen countertops again.” At press time, sources confirmed the company had recalled the product following reports that cats wouldn’t stop trying to eat the cloth draped over their face.