SANTA FE, NM—As the distressed and presumably very horny individual knocked frantically on the door, sources reported Thursday that panicked-looking local man Henry McDonald, who was seen shifting uncomfortably outside of an occupied public restroom, must really need to masturbate. “Wow, from the way he’s fidgeting, I guess that guy has to jerk off pretty bad,” said onlooker Chuck Weber, adding that to avoid such emergencies, he himself always made a point of masturbating before he left the house. “Man, I feel for him. Whoever’s in that restroom has been taking forever to orgasm. At this point, he might be better off leaving the building and seeing if he can beat off behind a tree somewhere.” At press time, reports indicated that a red-faced McDonald appeared embarrassed after he was seen with cum dripping down his soiled pant leg.