Onion Sports’ NFL Week 14 Picks

Raiders: Los Angeles is going to have to scramble if they have any hope of putting together 11 non-injured players to take the field.

Bills: Expect Bills fans to be energized after Highmark Stadium passed a new rule to make alcohol sales mandatory after halftime.

Bengals: A devastating Cleveland loss will leave Deshaun Watson wondering what he possibly could have done to deserve this.

Cowboys: The Texans will quickly learn that the Cowboys match up very well against shitty teams.

Vikings: The Lions have been improving lately, so watch for them to keep this a close, frustrating slog instead of a fun, highlight-reel blowout.

Eagles: Watch for a bored Jalen Hurts to ignore his legs and arms in favor of beating the Giants with his knees and elbows.

Steelers: Expect Ravens backup QB Tyler Huntley to show why the quarterback job belongs to Lamar Jackson and Lamar Jackson alone.

Titans: Expect the Jaguars to have difficulty breaking out of a franchise-long slump.

Chiefs: Russell Wilson’s attempts at turning Denver’s season around will continue to be thwarted due to the fact that God enjoys watching him fail.

49ers: After losing Jimmy Garoppolo for the season, San Francisco will need to rely on their vaunted defense to throw the ball and hand it off to the running backs.

Seahawks: The Panthers could face some difficulties after waiving struggling quarterbacks Baker Mayfield, Sam Darnold, and PJ Walker.

Chargers: The Dolphins’ game plan is up in the air, but right now the team is downplaying the exploded head Tua Tagovailoa suffered last week against the 49ers.

Patriots: Watch for the Patriots to grind out a victory behind a low-risk offense that stands perfectly still waiting for the drive to be over.