Olympians Explain How They Trained During The Pandemic

“I have been fully submerged in water since March 2020.”

“I gained over 150 pounds to compete in sumo wrestling, then got told I’m playing basketball. What a waste.”

“Many of my sparring partners weren’t available so I had to stop people in the streets to ask if they wanted to fight me. Thankfully, most of them said yes.”

“I logged over 2,000 hours in Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2.”

“It wasn’t quite the same, but I had to create a makeshift ocean out of 400,000 cubic feet and 3,200,000 gallons of water.”

“Oh, we don’t have pandemics at the country club.”

“I did four jumping jacks, consumed several cups of whey protein, and was good to go.”

“I couldn’t go to a regular facility to train in pole-vaulting so I had to get creative. I started by vaulting over small animals—mostly squirrels and the occasional cat. Obviously, I graduated to dogs, small breeds at first, but then pit mixes and eventually a mastiff. But the final frontier is to finally vault over man. My only fear is that once I’ve crossed that threshold, there will be no turning back...”

“I made sure to practice in a safe, isolated space, so I just kept booking Subway commercials.”

“I just skated around an abandoned RadioShack parking lot until my parents told me it was time to go to Tokyo.”

“I don’t know. When Covid-19 started, I hadn’t even been born yet.”

“My grandma became my target. She wasn’t great at dodging bullets, but it was still good training for me.”

“I swam a few laps, but mostly got sucked into investigating all the open cases on Unsolved Mysteries.”

“It’s easy to stay in the water surfing all day when you know for a fact your parole officer is waiting for you on the beach.”

“Luckily, as a softball player, I was already used to feeling ostracized and practicing alone.”

“Most people think that fencing requires an opponent, but during the pandemic, we made due by hitting up local grocery stores and slicing into bags of salad mix.”

“I played an entire NBA season and was paid $30 million for doing so.”

“Pandemic?”