NASSAU, THE BAHAMAS—In the wake of the cryptocurrency exchange he founded filing for bankruptcy amid accusations of…
WASHINGTON—Noting that the strange new deep-fried, cake-like pastry was all but dominating news feeds, sources…
NEUCHATEL, SWITZERLAND—In a damning indictment of the agency’s own social graces, the CIA came under intense…
THE HEAVENS—Kicking Himself for never getting around to developing what would have been a useful skill, God, Our…
In recent days, The Onion staff, corporate owners, and advertising partners have watched in horror at the…
PLAINFIELD, IN—Blinking repeatedly to ensure that what he was seeing outside was actually real, Amazon worker Tony…
When the editorial board of The Onion converged to select its Walton Goggins Of The Year for 2020, the room,…
Minneapolis Announces Plan To Replace Police Officers With Thousands Of Heavily Armed Social Workers
MINNEAPOLIS—In an effort to regain the community’s trust and better allocate city resources, Mayor Jacob Frey…
As the coronavirus pandemic besets our cities from coast to coast, ravages our hospitals, and brings our nation’s…
PITTSBURGH—In a move that could revolutionize emergency contraception, the maker of Plan B One-Step held a press…
THE HEAVENS—Emerging from behind a cloud blind in a blaze orange miter and camouflaged vestments, His Holiness Pope…
On the subject of our still fledgling nation, one point in particular stands out, which I present for want of…
SALZBURG, AUSTRIA—In a discovery certain to renew interest in the beloved composer’s legacy, music historians said…
CAPE CHARLES, VA—Warning it might take years for the small coastal community to recover from the devastating…
BOSTON—Billing the evening as a unique opportunity to get up close and personal with occupants of the thousand-bed…
CAMBRIDGE, MA—In what is being hailed as a groundbreaking discovery in the study of classical civilization,…
LOW EARTH ORBIT—Responding to a distress signal broadcasting from the depths of a remote corridor that seemed to be…
LOS ANGELES—In a fiery and, at times, frenzied speech before a crowd of his most devoted followers, Neutrogena CEO…
NEW HAVEN, CT—In a groundbreaking new report on one of the most revered figures in religious history, top biblical…