Mysterious Figure Impossibly Disappears Behind Passing Wienermobile

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CHICAGO— Ominously grinning just as the vehicle raced before him, a mysterious figure improbably disappeared Friday behind a passing Wienermobile, unsettled sources confirmed. “He was there and then somehow he was gone just as soon as that hot dog car rolled past,” said onlooker Melissa Rodriguez, 43, noting how she had the eerie feeling she was being watched, turned around, and saw the sinister man looming across the road just as the novelty food truck rushed between them. “He was staring at me, and then the Wienermobile swooped by playing ‘I Wish I Were An Oscar Mayer Wiener,’ and then it was like he had never been there at all. He had death in his eyes, I swear. But I seemed to be the only one who noticed, as everyone else was laughing and pointing at the oversized bun on wheels. My God, who was that man?” At press time, Rodriguez reported her intention to get to the bottom of things just as soon as she enjoyed a fresh-off-the-grill hot dog.