Most Brilliant Ways Elon Musk Plans To Make Twitter Profitable

Just in case you’re wondering why Elon Musk is writhing in pain outside Twitter HQ.

Gotta be worth a try.

If it works for his other companies, it’ll work for Twitter.

Twitter is better after a few drinks anyway.

One of them has got to work!

The site will also go completely dark during times when no one is using it.

There are an estimated 240 million active users worldwide, but this pales in comparison to the 7.7 billion people not using Twitter. That’s where the real money is.

If Twitter is the only option, people will have to give it a shot.

Instead of retweeting, Twitter users will be able to rent a limited number of views on favorite tweets.

Free users will be forced to keep typing until their fingers atrophy and the tendons in their hands snap.

He’s well on his way.

Taking notes from the success of Tesla, Musk plans to roll out a feature that will take all of the stress out of tweeting by automatically generating thoughts and opinions for its users.

He could sell shirts or something.

As a bonus, users will also get to chose what the next automatically played slur will be.

Trimming the fat in his own personal expenses will help focus his financial goals.

For too long, people have been able to threaten journalists and public officials without generating a direct profit for the social media platform.

He’ll definitely get sued, but it’ll temporarily boost users in the confused idiot demographic.

Dead people can’t collect severance or file wrongful termination lawsuits.

The man truly is a genius.