In a controversial opinion piece penned for The New York Times, acclaimed film director Martin Scorcese argued that Marvel movies cannot be classified as cinema. The Onion asked fans of the action movie franchise what they thought of Scorcese’s latest film, Killers Of The Flower Moon, and this is what they said.
“There was an appalling lack of glowing thingies for the main characters to chase after.”
“He says Marvel movies are repetitive while treating us to yet another film based on the real-life murders of members of the Osage tribe in the 1920s.”
“Not enough hammers.”
“Sorry, I couldn’t tell you how it was because I got mesmerized by a colorful pinwheel and missed the movie.”
“It reminded me a lot of the struggle of the people of Pandora in Avatar.”
“The movie is too long, but I’m also mad that I don’t need to watch 20 films beforehand to understand the story.”
“I can’t imagine the CGI budget they had to create the mystical land of Oklahoma.”
“Not enough Burger King ad placement.”
“I’m glad that Leonardo DiCaprio mumbled because otherwise I would’ve had no idea if he was playing a character or if it was really him doing all that racist stuff!”
“It made me care about real people, and that’s fucking terrifying.”
“Seems a little far-fetched that there were no superheroes amongst those people.”
“I’d never seen a movie without an Infinity Stone before.”
“It was three and a half hours long, which is 20 minutes too long for a movie.”
“Rooting for the Osage would be much easier if they had a hero on their side like Captain America.”
“It was a good movie, but it could have been great if I had 16 separate appearances.”
“Wait, violence happens in real life, too?”
“I didn’t realize people other than Disney made movies.”