Man’s Natural Instinct To Fear The Unfamiliar Overcome By Promise Of ‘Great Barbecue Taste’

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VERNON, NJ—As he stepped cautiously toward the strange new colors on the supermarket shelf, local man Chuck Atkinson’s natural instinct to fear the unfamiliar was reportedly overcome Monday by a condiment’s promise of “great barbecue taste.” Witnesses said Atkinson first froze in place at the sight of the curious bottle that featured a diagram of pork cuts on the label, but after several moments, the words “real mesquite” eventually broke through an inherited distrust of novel stimuli that sources confirmed had evolved over 6 million years. According to reports, Atkinson’s throat was dry and sweat beaded on his forehead as he cautiously surveyed the sauce, his terror and flight instincts finally giving way to the temptation of “experiencing Kansas City in every bite.” At press time, Atkinson was seen placing the bottle in his cart before scrambling behind a Little Debbie display at the sight of Beyond Meat Italian Sausage Crumble.