Athletes from around the world have begun arriving in Paris ahead of the 2024 Summer Olympics. The Onion met up with…
CHICAGO—With the franchise on track to have what may be the single worst season in the modern history of the sport,…
CORAL GABLES, FL—Calling the project “a labor of love,” plastic surgeon Dr. Alexander Ruttenberg reportedly tore his…
KENOSHA, WI—Stunned at the act’s failure to benefit his mood in any discernible way, completely alone 37-year-old…
Judge Aileen Cannon, the Florida judge overseeing Donald Trump’s classified documents trial, dismissed the case on…
WASHINGTON—Kneeling beside him as he softly stirred, an aide reportedly told President Joe Biden on Thursday that he…
Former President Donald Trump survived a shocking attempt on his life at a Pennsylvania campaign rally, sustaining…
DUBUQUE, IA—Following a late night out with friends during which they visited a succession of local bars, hungover…
MINNETONKA, MN—Telling reporters that the three little bois had sooooo much fun the last few days, police announced…
CHICAGO—Suggesting the venue could provide the friendship and intimacy the man had lacked for so long, a report…
WASHINGTON—Her heart racing as she stared at the page, Vice President Kamala Harris reportedly freaked out Wednesday…
Advertisement