Kids Explain How Disney Turned Them Gay

“It was pretty much instant for me the moment a nonspeaking background character in a Pixar movie was vaguely coded as bisexual.”

“Goofy is an intensely sexual character, and there’s no denying that.”

“Sure, Onward turned me gay, but then Cinderella made me straight, Ratatouille turned me into a rat, and Up turned me into a grumpy old guy, so now I don’t know what I am!”

“I’m bisexual, actually. And that’s because of DreamWorks, not Disney.”

“I saw The Parent Trap and heterosexual relationships seem like a lot of work.”

“I remember being so turned on when the company underwent a strategic reorganization, segmenting the corporation into Disney Parks, Experiences and Products, Direct to Consumer, and International. I still get chills.”

“The shape of Epcot Center unlocked something in me.”

“Bob Iger came into my classroom and showed us hardcore gay porn for two hours, and then forced the boys to kiss the boys.”

“I saw The Haunted Mansion last week and it was so boring I fell asleep and had a sex dream about my hot teacher Ms. McKinny and realized I might be gay.”

“All I know is that after I saw a Black Ariel in The Little Mermaid, I turned Black, then I turned gay.”

“I don’t want to put all the blame on Mrs. Potts, but she’s got a figure that can’t be beat.”

“I went to Disney World once. Now, 10 years later, I’m openly gay. Seems pretty straightforward.”

“Their wishy-washy activism and tepid denouncement of homophobia finally gave me the courage to accept who I am.”

“I think it was because Mary Poppins was nude most of the movie.”

“That scene in Pinocchio where he broke the fourth wall and told me I’d be a lesbian.”

“It was actually the woke brainwashing of critical race theory being taught in my elementary school that turned me gay.”

“Seeing all 21 episodes and two specials of Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings has put me off heterosexual relationships forever.”

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