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Kids Explain How Disney Turned Them Gay

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The Onion asked children how Disney had preyed on them, brainwashed them, and forced them to identify as LGBTQIA+ through the studio’s woke, sexualized movies, and this is what they said.

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Harrison France, 13

Harrison France, 13

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“It was pretty much instant for me the moment a nonspeaking background character in a Pixar movie was vaguely coded as bisexual.”

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Stuart Howe, 10

Stuart Howe, 10

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“Goofy is an intensely sexual character, and there’s no denying that.”

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Ian Telleride, 9

Ian Telleride, 9

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“Sure, Onward turned me gay, but then Cinderella made me straight, Ratatouille turned me into a rat, and Up turned me into a grumpy old guy, so now I don’t know what I am!”

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Michael Biles, 14

Michael Biles, 14

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“I’m bisexual, actually. And that’s because of DreamWorks, not Disney.”

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Jackson, 12

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“I saw The Parent Trap and heterosexual relationships seem like a lot of work.”

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Rajan Mackwell, 17

Rajan Mackwell, 17

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“I remember being so turned on when the company underwent a strategic reorganization, segmenting the corporation into Disney Parks, Experiences and Products, Direct to Consumer, and International. I still get chills.”

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Dhiraj Godkhindi, 12

Dhiraj Godkhindi, 12

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“The shape of Epcot Center unlocked something in me.

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Jason Romano, 8

Jason Romano, 8

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“Bob Iger came into my classroom and showed us hardcore gay porn for two hours, and then forced the boys to kiss the boys.”

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Samantha Kessler, 11

Samantha Kessler, 11

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“I saw The Haunted Mansion last week and it was so boring I fell asleep and had a sex dream about my hot teacher Ms. McKinny and realized I might be gay.”

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Leo Burns, 10

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“All I know is that after I saw a Black Ariel in The Little Mermaid, I turned Black, then I turned gay.”

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Arianna Barker, 13

Arianna Barker, 13

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“I don’t want to put all the blame on Mrs. Potts, but she’s got a figure that can’t be beat.”

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Paula Killian, 17

Paula Killian, 17

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“I went to Disney World once. Now, 10 years later, I’m openly gay. Seems pretty straightforward.”

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Libby Mayesfield, 10

Libby Mayesfield, 10

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“Their wishy-washy activism and tepid denouncement of homophobia finally gave me the courage to accept who I am.”

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Emma​ Gomez, 13

Emma​ Gomez, 13

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“I think it was because Mary Poppins was nude most of the movie.”

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Rebecca LaRossa, 7

Rebecca LaRossa, 7

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“That scene in Pinocchio where he broke the fourth wall and told me I’d be a lesbian.”

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Anthony Vazquez, 13

Anthony Vazquez, 13

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“It was actually the woke brainwashing of critical race theory being taught in my elementary school that turned me gay.”

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Connie Lautner, 16

Connie Lautner, 16

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“Seeing all 21 episodes and two specials of Disney’s Fairy Tale Weddings has put me off heterosexual relationships forever.”

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You’ve Made It This Far...

You’ve Made It This Far...

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