Home
Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
Home
Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
Home
Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
About
The Onion Store
Home
Latest
News
Local
Politics
Entertainment
Sports
Opinion
Idiotic New Year’s Resolutions You’ll Never Actually Keep
CC
Share
Subtitles
Off
English
Share this Video
Facebook
Twitter
Email
Reddit
Link
Idiotic New Year’s Resolutions You’ll Never Actually Keep
Published
January 3, 2023
Video Program Guide
Latest Videos
Now: Focus
Most Popular
Onion Film Standard
Latest Videos
Slide 1 of 16
Now playing
01:41
Man Can’t Believe How Much Disney World Charging For Sex With Goofy
Now playing
01:48
Female Competitive Drowner Explains Why Trans Athletes Should Not Compete In Competitive Drowning
Now playing
00:26
Study Finds Exercise May Help Alzheimer’s Patients Look Hot
Now playing
04:08
The Onion Film Standard: ‘Deadpool & Wolverine’
Now playing
00:26
Facebook Announces Human Trafficking Now Allowed On Marketplace
Now playing
00:42
Archaeologists Celebrate After Uncovering Ancient Certificate Congratulating Them For Finding All The Stuff
Now playing
00:42
Investigation Finds Secret Service Failed To Account For Nation’s 393 Million Guns
Now playing
00:37
Congress Bans Roofs
Now playing
00:32
Eli Lilly Unveils Insulin That Doesn’t Work On Poor People
Now playing
00:57
Catholic Church Courts Youth By Adding Badass Deity With Robotic Falcon Head
Now playing
00:32
Taylor Swift Under Fire For Leaving Idling Plane Double-Parked Outside Store
Now playing
00:57
Biden’s Approval Rating Skyrockets After Announcing He Taking Nation To The Circus
Now playing
00:35
Google Announces Everyone’s Got To Chill With These Depressing Inquiries
Now playing
00:21
Nation’s Men In Bathroom Stalls Announce Plan To Breathe Really Loudly
Now playing
01:06
Amazing New ‘Elden Ring’ Expansion Just Puts User In Coma For 80 Hours
Now playing
00:38
Nation’s White Liberals Announce They Have Successfully Completed Listening
Now: Focus
Slide 1 of 9
Now playing
02:06
Artificial Intelligence Explains Why Humans Have Nothing To Worry About As Their Extermination Will Be Swift And Relatively Painless
Now playing
01:34
Gun Owner Explains Why He Needs Weapon To Protect Self From Gun He Currently Holding Against Own Head
Now playing
02:43
White Woman Explains Why As An Anti-Racist Ally She Refuses To Say Any Word That Starts With ‘N’
Now playing
02:25
Mother Shares How Video Games Radicalized Her Son To Run Around And Pick Up Coins
Now playing
02:34
Ex-FDA Official Confirms Existence Of Vegetables
Now playing
01:38
Scientist Explains How Climate Crisis Would Be Averted If Greta Thunberg Just Tried A Little Harder
Now playing
02:13
Police Officer Explains Why The Intoxicating Rush Of Murder Should Always Be A Last Resort
Now playing
03:13
Woman Who Had Abortion Shares How She Regrets Not Stopping For M&M McFlurry Afterwards
Now playing
01:57
Aging Senator Explains That Young People Should Get Involved In Politics Because She's Fucking Out Of Here
Most Popular
Slide 1 of 16
Now playing
00:26
Florida Students Given Lifelike Dolls To Simulate Responsibility Of Owning Slave
Now playing
00:32
Christians Explain How Jesus Would Handle The Border Crises
Now playing
00:32
Removed Notre Dame Scaffolding Reveals Construction Crew Accidentally Built Mosque
Now playing
02:32
This Week's Most Viral News: March 22, 2024
Now playing
00:25
Secret Service Finds Biden Attempting To Dig Own Grave On White House Lawn
Now playing
00:24
Women Explain How They’d Like To Have Their Bodies Restricted Next
Now playing
00:30
Dalai Lama Agrees To Box Pope For Charity
Now playing
00:38
Arlington National Cemetery Boosts Tourism By Adding Zipline
Now playing
00:27
Green Giant Unveils New Lettuce That You Can Put Wig On And Pretend Is Your Wife
Now playing
00:58
Elon Musk Rushed To Hospital After Attempting To Impregnate Toaster
Now playing
01:34
This Week’s Most Viral News: March 29, 2024
Now playing
03:56
This Week's Most Viral News: February 23, 2024
Now playing
00:39
What It Feels Like To Have ADHD
Now playing
00:30
This Is What Happens To Smokers’ Lungs
Now playing
00:37
Gen Z Reveals How They Are Meeting People Outside Dating Apps
Now playing
00:43
Heroic Pitbull Journeys 2,000 Miles To Attack Owner
Onion Film Standard
Slide 1 of 24
Now playing
03:46
The Onion Film Standard: John Wick: Chapter 4
Now playing
03:23
The Onion Film Standard: Shazam! Fury Of The Gods
Now playing
03:47
The Onion Film Standard: Oscars Edition
Now playing
03:15
The Onion Reviews ‘Scream VI’
Now playing
03:48
The Onion Reviews 'When Harry Met Sally'
Now playing
03:20
The Onion Reviews 'Licorice Pizza'
Now playing
03:36
The Onion Reviews ‘Wonder Woman 1984’
Now playing
03:45
The Onion Reviews ‘Mulan’
Now playing
03:40
The Onion Reviews ‘Onward’
Now playing
03:36
The Onion Reviews ‘Pet Sematary’
Now playing
01:54
The Onion Looks Back At ‘Saw’
Now playing
02:21
The Onion Looks Back At ‘The Blair Witch Project’
Now playing
03:18
The Onion Reviews ‘Crazy Rich Asians’
Now playing
03:51
The Onion Reviews ‘Christopher Robin’
Now playing
03:00
The Onion Reviews ‘Mission: Impossible – Fallout
’
Now playing
03:30
The Onion Reviews ‘Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again’
Now playing
05:22
The Onion Reviews 'Fifty Shades Freed'
Now playing
02:43
The Onion Reviews ‘Star Wars: The Last Jedi’
Now playing
03:48
The Onion Reviews ‘Coco’
Now playing
03:14
The Onion Reviews ‘An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth To Power’
Now playing
03:04
The Onion Reviews ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’
Now playing
03:35
The Onion Reviews ‘La La Land’
Now playing
03:13
The Onion Looks Back At ‘Die Hard’
Now playing
03:14
The Onion Reviews ‘Rogue One’
Advertisement
Advertisement
