YOUNGSTOWN, OH—Addressing a rally this week with a lazy attempt to appeal to his supporters, former President Donald Trump said, ‘I’m Mr. Q the pedophile or whatever,” in a half-assed attempt to pander to QAnon. “Yeah, that’s right, it’s me, Mr. Q, the pizza demon, and I have kids in my basement and who knows what else,” Trump told the crowd before trailing off into several seconds of dead silence during which he reportedly tried to remember the exact details of discredited conspiracies accepted as fact by a significant portion of his base. “Sir Q, the reaper of Washington, and I am going to drink a kid’s blood or something. You guys remember me, JFK’s cousin who works with the secret cabal—does that sound right? What about UFOs? Do people like the UFOs? I’m so letter Q spooky!” According to reports, Trump went on to confuse his audience by claiming his water bottle was filled with Kodachrome.