GOP Finally Decides To Rally Behind Herman Cain

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WASHINGTON—Having long sought to place a viable alternative to Donald Trump at the head of the party’s ticket, top GOP power brokers finally decided Thursday to rally behind the late Herman Cain for president in 2024. “After much discussion with my fellow Republicans, I have decided to back Herman Cain as our party’s presidential nominee,” Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said in an announcement that followed similar statements from candidates Ron DeSantis, Nikki Haley, Mike Pence, and Chris Christie, all of whom dropped out of the race to endorse the Covid-19 victim and former Godfather’s Pizza CEO. “Though some may raise concerns about his lack of prior electoral success and his current status as a deceased person, those are all merely distractions. A lot of people forget Mr. Cain was our party’s frontrunner in the 2012 race until he was sidelined by accusations of sexual misconduct, something that is no longer an impediment to a Republican seeking public office. And polls show swing voters and independents are more likely to see him as a sympathetic figure since his tragic death three years ago.” A Quinnipiac University Poll released earlier this week found that nine in 10 registered voters described Cain as only “slightly less alive” than President Joe Biden.