A new study from the University of California, Los Angeles, found that members of Gen Z want less sex in TV and movies, and instead prefer storylines that feature platonic relationships. The Onion asked young adults why they were such prudes when it came to their viewing habits, and this is what they said.
“Sex is a sacred bond between a man and his favorite OnlyFans creator.”
“Sex is really meant to be viewed live.”
“The concept of sex in movies already reached its peak with Porky’s, and any attempts to improve on that are just embarrassing.”
“I just don’t think I should have to explain sex stuff to my parents before they’re ready.”
“Existence is pain, and sex is just a sedative.”
“My parents always point out what they would have done differently.”
“Too many of Hollywood’s actors are circumcised for my liking.”
“Sometimes I feel like sex scenes are just thrown in to show us that two characters had sex.”
“They can just imply sex by having one character say, ‘I enjoyed penetrating you just now.’”
“I’m constantly having sex in my real life, so when I put on a movie or TV show I’m ready for a break.”
“We held a meeting and decided being radically open about gender while adopting a puritanical outlook on sex was the best way to shock Boomers to death.”
“Are you telling me other generations actually wanted to see Tom Cruise lick women in a soft blue light?”
“Sexual urges are connected to wanting the human race to continue, and I’m not sure I’m onboard with that.”
“It makes my AI girlfriend uncomfortable.”
“If I want to see sex, I can just go onto the internet and dive into the most depraved and horrific images ever committed to video.”
“Sex is unrealistic. It was created by Walt Disney in the 1930s to make Donald Duck seem interesting, but nobody actually does it.”
“I encounter enough unbridled horniness when I play Animal Crossing.”