Gen Z Explains Why They Are ‘Resetting’ Their Virginity

“They said I had to at the conversion camp.”

“To make the sex stop glitching.”

“I’m just generally into delusions.”

“I didn’t mean to. I accidentally stuck my finger too deep into my belly button, and it just happened.”

“Get out of my room!! I hate you!!!”

“I finally got hot, so I don’t want those past 4’s and 5’s bringing the average down.”

“Weird old men treat me way more nicely when I say I am one.”

“Because these complete bullshit trends arise every few years, and I am a mindless slave who must obey them.”

“I’m trying to make it look like I’m being one on purpose.”

“Because it seems to be overheating. There’s smoke coming out, and it smells like rubber.”

“With my Chase Freedom Unlimited card, I get cash back on every purchase I make, including hymen reconstruction surgery.”

“It increases my value on the black market, and while I don’t love the idea of being sold into sexual slavery, I’m very competitive.”

“It’s basically power-washing, but internally and for regrets.”

“Why, howsoever else shall I become a vestal virgin in the highest temples to the gods of ancient Rome?”

“Some guy on Roblox said he’d send me $2,000 if I did.”

“I black out every time I see my own penis.”

“Who told you I’m a virgin? It’s a lie! They’re lying!”

“That’s what the global cabal taught me to do.”

“It was the only way the government would agree to forgive my student loans.”

“I’m a deeply confused person, and I’m scared! All the time!”

“My mom said I couldn’t keep living at home if I wasn’t one.”

“What did you just ask my 16-year-old daughter?”

“Help, I reset my virginity too many times, and now I don’t have any genitals! Ahh! Ow, ow, ow, ow!”

“I inspired millions of protestors to participate in climate strikes in nearly every country on earth, and this is what you choose to ask me?”

“I don’t remember losing my virginity, or anything else before the accident, for that matter.”

“After I reset my virginity, I get to be a teenager again and sleep with as many of them as I want!”

“Well, you see, I, like every generation before me and after me, have no idea what I’m doing.”