Elon Musk’s Rules Of ‘Insane Productivity’ That Were Sent To All Twitter Employees

Musk reminded all Twitter employees that no one will ever love them like he does.

Yes, Elon has found great success by stealing other people’s ideas, but he also expects his employees to do the same, and requires every line of code they write to be plagiarized from another individual, company, or platform.

You heard him. Give it. Now.

Besides saving money, this will prepare workers for the eventual Mars Twitter HQ.

Manually printing lines of text you’ve already input into a computer screen always saves time, energy, and resources.

This kind of work particularly amazes journalists.

Don’t let anything in or out—it will only slow you down.

Worse for digestion, but this way employees will spend less time on their hamburger breaks.

Twitter workers are to communicate all problems to Elon Musk directly, as there are no bosses or managers left at the company.

Gotta do ’em.

Elon Musk has not used a toilet since starting his first company, Zip2, in 1995, which is why he explicitly forbids Twitter, SpaceX, and Tesla employees from urinating or defecating anywhere but below their desks.

Elon considers most meetings to be a waste of time, but he especially hates it when employees make eye contact with the fully nude man standing in the corner and pleasuring himself during every code review at Twitter HQ.

Cross out finished tasks as they’re completed with a really sharp pen.

The only way to propel the new hardcore Twitter into the future is to ensure that Elon feels loved at all times.

Might as well buckle down since you’re stuck here forever.

Eh, give it a shot.

Employees are required to have their eyelids surgically removed, as blinking wastes precious microseconds that could be spent focusing on coding.

Violations are punishable by termination without severance.

Elon Musk loves to remind his employees that he has your wife’s number, has already been sending her explicit messages, and can steal her from you anytime he wants.

Worrying about fashion is nothing more than a distraction from the prosperity of Twitter.

Preferably without leaving your seat or, if you’re talking during a meeting, even pausing.

Sustenance isn’t exactly “hardcore.”