Edgelords, known for their contrarian viewpoints, for some reason think it’s edgy to idolize a washed-up billionaire who spends his entire day shitposting. The Onion asked edgelords why they love Elon Musk, and this is what they said.
Edgelords Explain Why They Love Elon Musk
Ross Derricotte, Rideshare Driver
“It’s just so fucking epic, the way he knows internet words and can repeat them.”
Foster Evans, Engineer
“He inspires society’s neglected men that they might one day benefit from apartheid money.”
Chad Mondell, Real Estate Agent
“He doesn’t give a shit about dumb things society says are important, like workers’ rights or your children.”
Fletcher Urias, Musician
“He’s an inspiration to all of us who were born with an utter lack of charisma.”
Todd Dennis, Chiropractor
“If he can make something of himself with just a massive emerald inheritance and a dream, then so can I.”
Kent Richards, SpaceX Engineer
“It’s contractually required by my employment agreement.”
Steven Knowles, Meme Stock Trader
“Thanks to Elon, I became a millionaire with Dogecoin and achieved my dream of owning the largest collection of Hitler deepfake porn.”
Tom Zandowsky, Lawyer
“He’s not afraid to regurgitate the most boring takes imaginable without ever adding anything insightful.”
Pete Bateman, Telemarketer
“I just have a gut feeling that we have similar dicks.”
Davey Singh, Osteopath
“I’m not capable of love, but I respect the beast within him.”
Frank Richards, Forklift Driver
“I love when a powerful guy gives me the green light on antisemitism.”
Kyle Denver, Mechanic
“He pisses off everyone annoying: my mom, my wife, my kids.”
Toby Bryan, Software Developer
“Mars, awesome cars, eliminating certain, shall we say, undesirables—what else does he need?”
Greg Florence, Mechanic
“When he bought Twitter he gave me a platform for my opinions so I no longer need to deal with the burden of having friends or family.”
Dan Lorenzen, Wedding Photographer
“He stands up for the right kind of free speech.”
Dean Powers, Economics Professor
“He totally owns the libs by devaluing his own assets.”
420_69 Channing, Student
“Mom says he is my dad.”