ANAHEIM—Earning looks of incredulity and pity from fans at his breathtaking stupidity, a dumbass kid bringing a mitt to a Major League Baseball game reportedly must think he’s actually going to play. “Yeah, they’re definitely going to glance into the upper deck and sign this 60-pound kid to come man shortstop because he has own glove—what a fucking dunce,” said Angels fan Colton Morris, one of hundreds of spectators who observed how incredibly ignorant this kid would have to be to seriously wear his own glove and hat to the game in the expectation that he would be a last-minute addition to the team’s batting order. “It’s honestly stunning how moronic some people can be. There are two professional baseball teams here that each brought enough players, and yet this complete dipshit thinks he can just stroll in here with his mitt and automatically get asked to join the team? Honestly, I would be more surprised if I wasn’t so appalled. What gives him the right to show up here with a glove, so presumptuous as to think he deserves to be on that field alongside real professional ballplayers? How goddamn stupid can you be?” At press time, those seated near the kid with the mitt were watching with mouths agape after a Angels scout came to his seat and asked him to accompany him down to the dugout.