LOS ANGELES—Grasping at straws to break his unending string of embarrassing defeats, sources confirmed Friday that the new DC film Black Adam was the last chance for something to go right in Dwayne Johnson’s miserable fucking life. According to sources, the premiere of the superhero movie served as a last-ditch attempt for well known failure Dwayne Johnson to turn the tide of his pathetic existence and find meaning in his otherwise meaningless life. Several reports confirmed that after the ceaseless toil and drudgery that has been Johnson’s vacuous, unaccomplished existence up to this point, Black Adam signified the only potential bright spot in a sea of darkness devoid of happiness or joy. At press time, Johnson had purchased a gun after seeing the reviews for Black Adam.