Biden Meets With Turkeys Who’ve Lost Loved Ones To Thanksgiving

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WASHINGTON—Looking into the birds’ eyes and placing a hand on their shoulders, President Joe Biden met at the White House with a group of turkeys who had lost their loved ones to Thanksgiving, White House sources confirmed Wednesday. “There, there–you’ll be all right,” said Biden, kneeling down to the floor to embrace the birds, who were heard gobbling in sorrow as they mourned the countless friends and family members they had lost to the national holiday. “I’ve gone through my own share of grief, so I know exactly how you feel. Losing a member of the flock is never easy. You can call me up any time, and I’ll be here for you. I promise you: They didn’t die for nothing.” At press time, Biden had reportedly presented the surviving turkeys with the prestigious Purple Giblet.