WASHINGTON—Ignoring his better judgment so as not to be called a chicken, President Joe Biden reportedly fell through a sheet of ice and plunged into dangerously cold water Monday after his buddies dared him to walk on the frozen Capitol Reflecting Pool. Sources confirmed the commander-in-chief’s chums had bet him $5 he couldn’t make it across the pool without chickening out, to which Biden responded, “Oh, yeah? Watch this.” The president is said to have taken only a few steps before breaking through the thin ice, sinking below the surface, and failing to reemerge for quite some time. According to reports, his friends’ playful laughter quickly dissolved into concern, at which point everyone in attendance scattered home so as not to get in trouble. At press time, witnesses confirmed first pet Commander Biden had fearlessly bounded onto the ice, grasped the drowning president in his jaws, pulled him to safety, and then ripped him to bloody shreds.