Best Bios From The Conservatives-Only Online Dating Site ‘The Right Stuff’

“I decided to give this a shot before kidnapping a child bride.”

“Need a woman to bear me some soldiers for my private militia.”

“AZ —> WA —> DC —> Federal Prison.”

“Wait, I’m confused. Why do I need to make a profile to watch an Ed Harris movie?”

“I want REAL MAN to show me GOOD TIME very CHEAP click NOW for REAL SEX and I show you REAL TITS NOW click NOW rts.cnoiwujd.//sexy.paowksdcn.//rrs I am REAL SEXY GIRL want to give you GOOD PLEASURE DADDY.”

“Missionary only.”

“If you’re taking AP Calc with Ms. Siegel, swipe left.”

“Please old-fashioned women only. Dream girl is susceptible to typhus and freaks out over electricity.”

“I’m weird at sex.”

“Hey, don’t tell anyone I’m on here, okay?”

“Looking for women 16 to 22. Have your father message me to discuss marriage arrangements.”

“Must be 5 foot 11, 100 pounds, blonde (medium or long), no tattoos, amazing cook, not a vegetarian, and someone who loves Jesus, likes guns but knows that only men should use them, has no career, doesn’t talk to her family, is ready to raise my children and only leave the house when I permit, is okay with monitored phone access, and is white (obviously).”

“Looking for a nice girl I can share my life with until she bleeds out from birth complications.”

“6’2” if that matters.”

“Must love dogs, God, and intimidating election workers.”

“I want a girl who will be down to watch reruns of Tucker Carlson until we fall asleep in separate beds.”

“I’m looking for a woman who won’t mind being swatted after she breaks up with me and I cyberstalk her for the rest of her life.”

“Must be willing to dress up like AOC and lock me in a chastity cage until I pay my fair share in taxes.”

“Only interested if you lied about your age to register for this site.”

“Just here to have fun and hang Mike Pence.”

“Don’t check this app too much, hit me up on the dark web.”

“Where are the women? This site only has dudes.”