PALM BEACH, FL—Nervously standing on the porch with a duffel bag slung over his shoulder, Barron Trump reportedly showed up on former President Donald Trump’s doorstep Thursday claiming to be his son. “Excuse me, sir, I’m sorry to bother you, but I believe you might be my father,” said the younger Trump, who explained that his name was Barron and his mother’s name was Melania, and who did not appear to notice as the 77-year-old Trump slowly edged back inside the house. “Growing up, my mother always told me that my dad died a long, long time ago and said not to ask any questions. I think you met her in New York? I was born in 2006. Anyway, one day she let it slip that you were still out there, so after I turned 18, I decided to go down to the county clerk’s office and request my birth certificate—and, well, your name was on it. You are Donald J. Trump, correct? I thought maybe we could just talk for a bit, if that’s okay.” At press time, the elder Trump had slammed the door and threatened legal action if Barron ever showed up again.