Americans React To The Death Of Henry Kissinger

“Look, being nice in life won’t get you a Nobel Peace Prize.”

“He wasn’t just a war criminal, he was our war criminal.”

“He would have hated to see anyone die painlessly and peacefully like this.”

“I don’t want to diminish his legacy by citing the Cambodian government’s official death toll because I know the real number was much, much worse.”

“Is that what I ran over last night?”

“May he be as bloodthirsty in death as he was in life.”

“Love him or hate him, he’ll always be remembered as the best goddamn contestant Rock Of Love ever saw.”

“I sprayed some agent orange on my kids today in his honor.”

“But he still had so many war crimes left in him.”

“I remember the first day of my presidency, he was nice enough to send me an unexploded IED.”

“But he looked so young in ‘Oppenheimer’?”

“If we all close our eyes and say a racial slur at the same time, maybe he’ll come back to life.”

“Say what you will about the guy.”

“He taught me that war didn’t have to be fair. The most important part was that it was pointless and bloody.”

“That’s what he gets for breaking into a house in a state with stand-your-ground laws.”

“Let he who has not carpet bombed Cambodia throw the first stone.”

“This is just like Paul Walker all over again.”

“He put Cambodia on the map and almost took it off.”

“Nobody’s perfect, but he came pretty close.”

“Oh thank god, the last war criminal in the American government is finally dead.”

“It brings a tear to my eye thinking of all the innocent people that will never get to die by his hand.”

“If you think that man was impressive, you should taste my wife Beth’s homemade potato salad. It’s out of this world!”

“Oh no, Paula and Louis’s kid?”

“I just hope we don’t start tearing down all the Henry Kissinger monuments.”

“I hope he had just as much fun killing all those people as we had watching him kill them.”

“I’m not going to sugarcoat it—Henry had the mind of a supervillain, the heart of a serial killer, and the elegant gams of a va-va-voom showgirl.”

“Game recognizes game.”

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